The Kallah is Queen: A guide to the bride's prayers and blessings and why she fasts on her wedding day

The Kallah is Queen

Fasting

For the kallah and the chatan, their wedding day is considered their own "personal" Yom Kippur; a way of "cleaning the slate", of "starting fresh" and of beginning a whole new life together as a married couple.  This is one of the reasons why many couples fast on their wedding day. 

In general, the couple usually fasts from sunrise to sunset on the day of their wedding.  As the chuppah is usually held aftersunset (she'keah), some couples fast until after the chuppah and break their fast together in the Yichud room. Many times, the chuppah is held much later than stated on the invitation and  some couples choose to break their fast just after she'keah on something light (such as a glass of water, juice, etc) and then have a light meal in the yichud room together.  All I can say is that eating something is better than having a bride faint either during the chuppah or even in the yehud room. 

In order to decide what is "best for you as a couple"; think about how well you fast, the time schedule for the wedding and how strongly you feel about this minhag.

The Kallah Chair

For the bride, the time spent before the Bedeken and the chuppah, when the bride is seated on a specially decorated Kallah Chair, her own throne, is a very special time.  This is a time when her friends and family surround her and entertain her with music and dance. I have seen kallot surrounded by their friends as they sing to her in a private section of the Hall; while other brides are the center of attention – literally – seated in the middle of the Hall, with guests surrounding her on all sides. 

As these are all minhagim, the 'where', 'how'and 'on what' you sit is a matter of personal custom, preference and choice (and, of course, any physical limitations of the venue).  Some Halls have a specially designed chair or couch, usually covered in a white silk material.  If you are planning to sit on a kallah chair, then you should find out in advance whether the venue has a "special" chair, see how it looks and whether you would like to further decorate this chair.

Blessings and Prayers

The pre-chuppah time is also a very special time for the kallah's blessings and prayers. 

It is said that on the day of the wedding, the gates of Shamayim (Heaven) are open to the kallah's prayers and entreaties and to grant her requests. 

Many brides will recite a special Bride's Prayeras they sit enthroned in their Kallah Chair.  There are many versions of this prayer; you can find an English-language translation of one version at the end of this article.  As this is only a tradition, the kallah can recite any prayer she wishes and feels comfortable with. 

 

Bride's Prayer on Kotel Background

 

Bride's Prayer on background of picture of couple

Traditionally, the friends of the bride will give her a Bride's Prayer as a present either at the Hall or in her home.  The Bride's Prayer can be found in a variety of versions and shapes, including in the form of a painting, drawing, card or even hand-written on a tambourine or a chamsa-shaped board.  The prayer can be personalized to include the names of the bride and groom or a general prayer.  The tambourine (called in Hebrew Tof Miriamor Miriam's drum) is a very popular object on which a Bride's Prayer is written.

Bride's prayer on tambourine

The connection between women and the Tofor drum or as it is called today tambourine (timbrel), is found in the Torah, Sh'mot15, 20-21, "…Miriam the Prophetess, sister of Aharon, took a tambourine and all the women followed her with tambourines and dancing and they sang praises to Hashem…"  This happened after Hashem safely allowed the Jews to cross the Yom Suf (after Y'te'at Mitzrayim); while the Egyptians, who chased after them, were drown as the seas joined together again.  Just as an added point of interest, any mention of song in the Torah is connected to praise of Hashem after a miracle or redemptive action.

There is also a custom for unmarried friends and relatives of the kallah to ask her for a bracha for their own happiness.  Once again, she is free to recite any formula she wishes.  As each person in turn greets the kallah as she sits on her Kallah Chair, she can pray for and personally bless each person. In addition, many brides pray for the sick and the injured and even carry a list of their names with them down the aisle.

There are also special prayers for the Mothers' of the Bride and Groom to recite before they escort their children down the aisle to the chuppah.

Mother of the Bride's Prayer

Mother of the Groom's Prayer

If you would like versions of these prayers in Hebrew and/or in English, please contact me at yochi@yochistyles.com

 

BS"D

       The Bride's Prayer 

Compassionate G-d, Who watches over us to the end of time, Who leads His world and all His creatures with grace and compassion, let this be a time for mercy and understanding.  L-rdof the world, I am coming to You at this time of great joy, and thanking You for bringing us to this happy moment in our lives. 

 

At this holy hour, when we are forgiven for all our sins, I regret all I have doneagainst Your good will and Your great works, I willinglyand wholeheartedly want to serve You from now on. 

 

G-d, who created me with a pure heart, has put a new spirit within me.  My prayer at this time is to build our new home, building it for eternity with purity and humility.  Let us be worthy of our good health, of Your guiding light and have mercy on all of Israel, the Sacred Nation.  Rescind all the evil decrees on the House of Israel, materially and spiritually.

Heavenly Father, I, Saradaughter of Sara, stand before you todayready to marry to Israel son of  Israel in holiness and purity by means of the Chupah and the Seven Blessings. May it be Your will that I marry this man under the Chuppah with a Good Sign and in Good Fortune for all time, and may we live in love and peace, holinessand purity through Your will and rejoice and be happy together with children and all Your blessings.  May we have love and happiness as was found in the Garden of Eden.

 Amen, may this be Your will.

© Styles by Yochi